From the Observation Deck

Like many of you, I’ve been suffering a bit from various ailments this fall. I don’t think I’ve succumbed to the now famous swine flu but my cat did sneeze in my face yesterday and I’m hoping there isn’t a feline flu epidemic about to happen with me being patient zero.

So I’m trying to keep things clean but I have to say that the germ warfare going on out there is scary. I just read an article about grocery stores and how disgustingly dirty shopping carts are. It never occurred to me but it should have. Turns out they are dirtier than public bathrooms. Why I read these articles, I don’t know. Now I’m freaked out and am going to be obsessing over that every time I go shopping. And I’m not really an obsessive type (at least in this area of life).

It makes you wonder how we even survive. We go about our days swapping our germs and dirt yet somehow we get through it. I guess the best we can do is wash our hands of the whole mess. (Okay, ouch, bad pun.) Stay healthy folks, and watch out for your cat, she may have picked something up from the bag of cat food that was in that gross shopping cart.

I believe I’m one of very few people on earth who know what holiday falls on October 24. Don’t ask me how I know—I’m just really smart that way. Or maybe because October 24 is also a personal holiday for me. Are you sufficiently intrigued? Ready to find out what it is? Sitting on pins and needles? Drum roll please…

It’s United Nations Day.

Crickets…

Please at least tell me that you know what the United Nations is. If not, I implore you to look it up. I’ll even give you the link to their Web page. http://www.un.org.

Okay, so maybe that was anti-climactic. But here’s the thing. It’s supposed to be an international holiday. So if it’s a holiday, where is our day off? Where are the barbeques, the fireworks, and the parades? At the very least we should be talking about it and telling our kids about it. After all, the UN’s mission is pretty impressive. Its Web site explains that “The United Nations is an international organization founded in 1945 after the Second World War by 51 countries committed to maintaining international peace and security, developing friendly relations among nations and promoting social progress, better living standards and human rights.”

And just in case you need some proof to show your employer why you should get the day off, here is the proclamation claiming October 24 as a holiday. Happy United Nations Day everyone!

Do you ever watch those stories on the news about weird or tragic events or stories about crazy people causing a lot of chaos and wonder if you’ll ever be caught in the middle of one? I lead a pretty unassuming kind of life so I feel like I’m usually standing on the outside looking in at those events.

Well today as I hopped onboard the DC Metro train I thought I’d look around to find out what people left on the floor and seats and see if that would make a good story. (Last week I saw a stocking and some other random items and started getting curious.) But as luck would have it I was inspired not by the discarded items of my fellow commuters but by a crazy woman.

Now don’t get me wrong, I can’t stand it when people get on the train (or plane, bus, etc.) and play their music so loud that I can hear it. In fact just last month I was about to reach over and ask a gentleman to turn down his iPod until I heard that he was listening to that song, Land Down Under. The song choice was so not what I expected that I just laughed and tapped my toes. But I digress.

The guy who got on the train today was playing something (the people around me said it wasn’t music it was noise) loudly and the whole car could hear it. As much as I didn’t like that I also didn’t appreciate the lady sitting next to me who screamed over the aisle to tell him to “Turn that s*&t down.” A moment later we were subjected to listening to her yell at him again. I’m certain he did not hear or see her. When she told him that he had 60 seconds before she would stop the train, I proceeded to get into my tackle position. You see, I was on my way to an interview and there was no way I was going to let her stop me from getting there on time.

I’m not sure she heard me when I told her, “You’re not going to stop this train.” But the guys next to me heard me and I could tell they were going to support their new favorite quarterback if the situation arose. Thank goodness the offending iPod blaster got off at the next stop because I was starting to envision the evening’s news clip. “Desperate Job Seeker Tackles Crazy Cursing Woman on Metro.” She must not have been from around here because everyone knows you don’t mess with DC commuter traffic. Anyway, next time I’ll get the scoop on those stockings.

I’m sitting here trying to find something interesting to write about and have come up short. I thought about writing down the things my dog thinks about during the day but that post would be about three words in length.

So after experiencing several cold and rainy days, I decided to debut the poll option on this blog. I don’t get a lot of comments on my blog but maybe you kind folks would consider partaking in the poll. I can’t track you down and won’t use your personal information for anything (because I don’t have it and wouldn’t want it). So don’t worry about any privacy issues. Your opinion counts—and you can do it nice and quiet like. Come on! Play!

Church marketing? It may seem weird to think of a church conducting marketing but it makes sense. After all, God wants us to spread the good news and to do that it helps to invite people to come hear about it at church. I attend Fairfax Community Church and their creative department does a really nice job on not only their direct marketing pieces but also the set designs, videos, and all the other creative elements that can be seen in and around the building.

But some churches are too small to be able to print shiny brochures or even mail letters. They sometimes rely only on the marquee outside their building (and maybe some word-of-mouth viral marketing mixed in with some help from the Holy Spirit). Lately I’ve seen some pretty funny messages on some of these marquees. It just goes to show you that God will you use your gifts with whatever tools you have at your disposal. The first rule of marketing is to get people’s attention and these are some signs that got mine. (I wonder if the pastors’ sermon deliveries are as good.)

• America needs a faith lift.
• God answers knee mail.
• Tomorrow’s forecast—God reigns and the Son shines.

Now, I know this isn’t relevant to church marketing but it relates to signage so I’m going to fit this in. The people at Wal-Mart could learn a lesson from this post about writing smart signs. Seriously, who is the genius who posted these two signs together? Communication is key. And so is the Word. Want to come to church with me next weekend?

No parking but turn off your engines while parked. Huh?

Every driver has on occasion seen a dead animal lying in the road. Some of you may even find it sporting to try to hit the fast-moving and indecisive squirrel (I am not among those of you that do). This last week I noticed an unusually large number of dead animals of various species lying on the road. And on my way home from Delaware the other day I counted six—yes six—dead deer. 

I’m the type of person that looks for patterns. It helps me figure out how to better market products and services when I can see patterns in buying behavior. I’m also a fan of Lost and Fringe if that gives you any idea of how my mind works. So the abundance of road kill made me think it would be a good idea to research this “multitude of dead deer on the road” phenomenon and see if the pattern of fur-lined concrete was a sign of something or just bad luck on the part of our four-legged friends.

At first I thought maybe it had to do with budget cuts in the state governments and therefore not enough workers to pick up the carcasses. If that’s true then we need some of those Michiganians to come down and pick up dinner for the family. (They do that up there, ya know.) But then I found an article on WTOP’s web site that stated, “As deer become more active during the breeding season that runs from October to mid-December, they begin to cross roads more often.” Kind of a weird coincidence that it’s breeding season and cars are killing off the population. Maybe it’s the deer version of the Darwin Awards. The deer that cross route 50 without looking are the dumb ones that are weeded out of the gene pool.

So I don’t know what to tell you except try to avoid big carcasses in the road, look out for the glowing eyes when it’s dark, know that they travel in packs, and if you’re in Delaware, “animals killed on state maintained roads should be reported to the Dead Animal Crew for their removal.” Hmmmm. Possible new career choice—dead animal crew. There seems to be lots of work to be done in that area.

And just for fun, if you’ve never seen the movie Tommy Boy, here is a clip that makes me laugh every time I see it. Unfortunatley the editor cut out the best part when Chris Farley says, “I swear I’ve seen a lot of stuff in my life, but that…was…awesome.”

I continued my travels through the USA the other weekend with a road trip through a pretty part of Virginia. Once you get out of the Northern Virginia suburban cities and away from the toxins (meaning the cars not the politics, although a break from that is nice, too), mad drivers, and mini malls, you get to see in the distance the Blue Ridge mountains. It’s the beginning of fall but the colors haven’t really changed yet, so maybe another trip in a week or two would be good for the soul.

I have to admit I did not realize there were so many wineries in Virginia. The vineyards dot the landscape along with the dark fences and gently sloping hills. And I blew through Madison County but did not see any bridges. I ended up in Charlottesville but did not get to see the famous historical landmarks. Maybe next time I’ll visit Monticello and Montpelier.

This visit was reserved for catching up with friends, which I told you about in a previous post. On my way home on Sunday I took my time and stopped along the road to take some pretty photographs of the area just east of the Shenandoah Valley. I also have a thing about taking photos of small post offices. So I got plenty of them driving through rural Virginia.

I encourage you out-of-towners to visit VA and those who live here to take some drives around this beautiful Commonwealth.

Last weekend I went out to Middleburg, VA with some friends to watch the steeplechase races. It’s a really fun experience if you’ve never done it before. Imagine hanging outside in beautiful weather overlooking a large, green field with mountains dotting the landscape. There you are laughing with friends, eating catered food, and drinking wine and good beer. It’s tailgating but dressed better. Every half hour there’s some action to watch. Betting is done within groups and everyone puts two dollars into pot.

This year I won the first race. My strategy is simple. I look at the statistics of the horse’s previous races, the jockey’s record, and how they look in the paddock. Okay I’m kidding; I pick the horses based on their name and what “speaks” to me. Erin Go Bragh spoke to me because I’m part Irish and it’s always cool to bet on the Irish. So I split that pot with three others and managed to lose all the remaining races. My friend’s eleven year old won the biggest pot that day and walked off with all our hard earned dollars. Maybe I would have done better if I wasn’t relying so much on the advice of her three year old sister.

One thing about betting is that you need to be prepared to lose. I am a huge competitor so it did irk me when in the fourth race my horse came in last place. But it’s really fun to see them sprinting down the stretch. They are beautiful, powerful animals and it’s exciting to see them go.

I don’t really have any funny thoughts or deep insights on this. Just reflections on a nice Saturday afternoon in Virginia. And my fingers are crossed for tonight’s mega-millions drawing. Tootles!

Down the stretch

My advisor

I have already talked about customer service in another post but feel it’s necessary to do so again. I’m sure all of you have had your share of less-than-stellar service from people you are paying to help you and I would love to hear your stories. This is a tale of my most recent experience and I’ll start off by saying that I don’t heart Cox Communications. Not at all.

First of all, I find it reeeeaaaaaalllly hard to believe that they have been given awards for good customer service. I don’t know who voted for them or any of the methodology involved in the research that backs that claim, but I think it must be a sham. It has to be. Let me tell you why.

First, I’ve had dealings before with the customer service people in their office near my home and they treated me as if I was interfering with their donut break and that I was the stupidest person on earth because I couldn’t read their minds and didn’t know all of their policies by heart. That was before. This last experience was so bad it was comical. I can’t make this stuff up.

Tuesday

I go into their office and talk to the pleasant customer service lady about how I need a cable card for my TiVo. She says, “A technician has to come out.” “Okay,” I say. After lots of typing we make an appointment. I say, “I have a TiVo, so do I need to do anything or does the technician need anything for that?” She replies, “No, they’ll have everything they need.”

Thursday

The appointment was set for 10 a.m. –12 noon. When no one showed up I called Cox.

• Me: “Hello, I had an appointment for a technician to come out 10 a.m. –12 noon.” Pause here because there was no response. “No one showed up.”
• Alicia, the customer service lady: “Hold on.” “Okay, they’ll be there at 11:47.”
• Me: “It’s 12:18.”
• Alicia: “It’s 12:18?”
• Me: “Yes.”
• Alicia: “Hold on.” “Okay, they’ll call you in about five to 10 minutes to let you know when they’re coming.”

Thirty minutes later the phone rang and I got an automated message saying that a technician would be arriving soon. When the technicians finally arrived, they did not have the proper equipment with them.

• Technician: “Oh, you have a TiVo. We need a converter box for that.”
• Me: “I told the customer service person about it and mentioned that specifically.”
• Technician: “Yeah well, customer service didn’t put that on the work order.”

So basically, they had to come back later that night and still couldn’t finish it because I had not gotten the set up done ahead of time (something that the technician told me that customer service should have told me about).

Friday

So third time’s a charm and on Friday morning they came back to place two little cards in the two little slots in my TiVo. Seriously? I needed two guys to do that job? I really need to get a union job. That way I can hang out with pals and blame all the crap on customer service.

The Following Week

Now just to add a bit more fuel to this burning disaster, I also switched my phone over to Cox because the geniuses in their pricing department figured it out so that if I added a service, my bill would be ten dollars less than it currently was. I understand pricing and bundling and have worked out some complicated pricing structures myself, but that one doesn’t quite seem like a logical way to run a business. But so be it. The customer service guy I talked to told me that the phone guy would be coming out in a nice short window of time, 1–9 p.m. After my steep intake of breath he told me that I would be getting a call one hour prior to the arrival of the technician so I wouldn’t be trapped all day. I did get a phone call. From a customer service rep telling me that the technician was knocking on my door and there was no answer. Thanks for the one-hour warning call Cox, you managed to screw up yet again.

Final Conclusions

Is your left hand talking to your right? Are the executives, marketers, finance personnel, etc. talking to your front line personnel? Are you hiring competent workers and training them properly? From my perspective there are a lot of companies out there that need to seriously work on their customer service skills. Because after all, it’s just your brand image that’s being shattered. And that usually translates into less revenue and bad reviews on blogs. So there. And while the phone guy was still in my house I got a cutomer service follow-up survey call from Cox. I told them the job wasn’t finished yet and we hung up. But because I didn’t get a call back, I’ll express my opinions now. You stink Cox.