I know that Greg is with Jesus in Heaven. I know his pain is gone and I’m glad of it. But I am struggling, I’ll admit it. I’m so sad that I can’t get to this place of happiness for him because I am still blinded by tears and I am struggling in my discussions with God.

I’ve been involved in a small group discussion about a book from our pastor Mark Batterson. It’s called The Circle Maker. I even started a prayer journal. As I wrote down my prayers over the past few months, I felt like I could endure and keep praying and felt assured that God would fulfill them. I admit I wasn’t sure if I was asking the right things but I was sure they all came from a good place in my heart.  

But then when Greg died I felt like God not only did not answer my prayers, he did things in His own way that made it hard to hope or pray for anything. When I asked Him to heal Greg’s back pain, I didn’t mean for God to take him to Heaven. When I prayed for Greg’s financial troubles to be fixed, I didn’t mean for God to take him to Heaven and leave the rest to us. When I prayed for reconciliation between Greg and his wife I didn’t mean for God to take Greg to Heaven and end permanently that relationship on earth.

So I’ll admit it. I’m afraid to pray for anything else right now. But I will and I have been.  

Because our life goes on and I need God more than ever. I need Him to get me through the days. I need Him to throw His comforting arms around my nephews and nieces and other family members.

I also need Him to heal my friends. I just found out that my old friend Beth has been fighting cancer. Jeez, what a week. But her call to me in my time of need despite her own tragedy reminded me of how good my life is. I’m not in top physical health but I don’t have cancer. I have a home and a supportive loving family and friends. And I know that someday I’ll see Greg again. I’m just seriously bummed that it may not be for a very long time.  

God I really miss him. This sucks. I’m confused and I think that’s normal. I don’t know how long it will be before I stop crying for him but I’ll keep praying. Even though I’m not sure why it happened or what God has in store. I just have to hope. Even when it seems like there is none. Keep your hope. Keep your faith. Keep asking God for help. It’s what Greg would want for all of us and it’s what he did every day of his short life.

In Loving Memory of Gregory M. Crowe
October 31, 1965 – March 12, 2012

If you are so inclined to help with Greg’s four young children, we are taking donations to help pay for immediate needs such as COBRA insurance, rent, and counseling. We have also set up a fund for the kids’ college. Please contact me or reply to this post if you wish to donate. And we very much need your prayers. God has given us many kind and wonderful friends who have been very supportive and we thank Him and them for everything.

An Excerpt from The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson:

By circling, I simply mean that you keep asking until God answers. I’m afraid we give up too easily, too quickly. One thing that has helped me stay consistent and persistent in prayer is a prayer journal. It’s the way I document my requests and His answers. It also insures that I give God the glory when He delivers.

Now let me offer one warning. God is not a genie in a bottle and our wish is not His command. His command better be our wish. Prayer isn’t about getting what we want from God. The ultimate objective of prayer is to discern and do the will of God. But if you pray in the will of God, for the glory of God, all bets are off. And what was true 2,000 years ago is still true: God honors bold prayers because bold prayers honor God.

Unfortunately my brother decided not to go in that direction. Man, that would have been fun. Crazy people are what makes life interesting. We’re just not that far gone—yet.

I did a blog post for my company a few months back about selecting a name for your brand (or in some cases, your child’s brand). I thought it would garner some conversation when I mentioned that I had found some research that said some parents were actually naming their kids “Like,” “Facebook,” and ah hem, “Batman.” I made a little fun of those people and frankly if you’re going to do that you deserve to be mocked.

I’m in the process now of thinking up new names for the fish I just bought. Note, animal names can be as creative as “Grendel” or as plain as—but yet still lovable—”Joe.” Maybe this time instead of naming them after loser ex-boyfriends (those fish died as a result of my inexperience as an ichthyologist, not because I was torturing them), I will name them something strong, something legendary. And yes, I know what ichthyologist means, I just don’t know what chemicals the fish needed to survive the murky waters of my new tank. Anyway, these new fish look pretty hardy. Maybe I’ll name them after characters in the Icelandic sagas. Or maybe not. Those guys were kind of jerks.

If you would like to offer some suggestions, please do. In the meantime, take a look at Pinterst for some great ideas to share and get hooked like the rest of us. (I just saw this on Pinterest and it made me laugh at the memory of what could have been for our little Harmon.)

Me? I want to know that my true Love is thinking about me at random times during the day when we are apart. I want him to show me that—in his own unique way—be it a text, a flower on a random day, a note that shows he’s been paying attention to what’s important to me, or maybe just a smile and a kiss when we are standing in line. Romance for me is that he knows I hate calling repairmen to come fix things so he does that for me without asking. That he knows I love to watch Downton Abby so he stays quiet during the episode and records it for me if I’m going to miss it. Or that he listens when I rant and doesn’t always try to fix what’s wrong, just supports me and lets me know he’s on my side and there for me. That’s love to me. That’s romance. Oh, and a quiet lovely vacation on a secluded beach “don’t stink much neether.”

But let’s talk about love in general—not just romantic love. Love has many meanings, both in the dictionary and to each individual. It is the most talked about subject on the planet and for good reason. Want to know why we are here? It’s to love. To love each other and to love our creator, God.

One of the things that made me know I was on the right track when I finally put my faith in Christ was that all the questions I was having about things I didn’t understand in the Bible and in the world were put aside as something that I could trust God about and that would be revealed to me later (or not). Why could I trust Him? Faith. But also because Jesus told us what we really need to remember.

“Love one another; just as I have loved you, you are to love one another.”

He said “love” three times in one sentence and since Jesus didn’t stutter, I’m pretty sure he was emphasizing the word, love.

All of us—Christians and non Christians alike could use a dose of this every morning. A daily reminder of how wonderful the world would be if we first chose to love.

I was listening to the radio the other day and the speaker I was listening to said we are living in an “I” world. There’s the iPhone, the iPad, iTunes…you get my drift. He said we need to get out of that thinking and start helping each other. Interesting thought.

So, how to start.

Well, for me, I’ll start by not getting upset at the other drivers on my way to work tomorrow morning. I’ll look in the eye of the guy with his hand out and give him at the very least my respect and concern. I’ll pray for the people who hurt me and my family and friends and boldly ask God to turn their hearts toward love. And I’ll keep looking for my allusive true Love. But in the meantime am very blessed and thankful for the love of my family and friends.

Last year my friend and colleague, Stephanie, wrote about it on her blog and I took a look at it and asked for an invitation (you have to be invited to start your own account). I finally got one and have been pinning away for the last several days. I’m torn between absolutely loving this site and hating the fact that I have another potential addiction to deal with.

Pinterest has really opened my eyes to the amazing amount and variety of creativity in our world. And while this site is the fastest growing social media site in the world and is exploding with unprecedented popularity (they are making Facebook eat their dust), in the grand scheme of things is still a small community. Which makes me even more blown away by the sheer amount of imagination and talent that’s out there. I have been truly humbled. I like to think I’m creative (not a typical artist but a good amateur photographer and a half decent writer). I have to say though that there are some seriously talented people out there—whether it’s photography; designers of home elements, clothes, jewelry, graphics, and more; chefs, cooks, and bakers; authors; humorists; you name it—someone is there sharing their work. The travel photographs are making me really, really, really, want to see the world. Yes, I keep saying how much I want to travel and photograph God’s creation but the urge is getting almost painful when I see all these glorious pictures.

One of the nice things about Pinterest is that the community is about sharing and spreading cool stuff. Haters can stay home (with the exception of a few people who think certain things are funny but maybe not so much). Getting your stuff “repined” or “liked” feels good. Sharing others’ work and commenting on how cool it is lifts people up. I like this positive reinforcement, this encouragement of art in all its form.

So is it good for businesses? For some brands, absolutely. Others, not so much. Companies that have products or services that are creative in nature fit the mold of this site. But like any social media channel, if you shove your wares down the throats of the users, you’ll be ignored or shunned. Social media is about sharing content and creating a forum for discussion and thought. With that said, I’m going to shamelessly plug my page and ask you to follow me on Pinterest!

Need an invitation? Let me know!

(The photo below was something I found on Pinterest and was posted here: http://pinterest.com/pin/142989356888534418/

It's the latest "thing."

Pin It

Laughter is so therapeutic. When you have lovely, charming, fun, joyful people in your life it can lift you out of the darkest places and into a new world. The other night I got a wonderful gift from my two-year old neighbor. I was out walking Grendel and was feeling serious pain in my heel and knee and was ready to plop down and call it a day. As I saw some friends coming out of their home, their son was standing at the door, so I smiled and waved and said “Hi Nate!” I thought for sure he would turn on his heel and head for the hills since the last time I saw him I was pretending to be a monster and scared the living crap out of him. But instead of taking off or giving me a look that said, “Who are you again?” he smiled and yelled out, “HEY DAWN!”

Wow! I just love it! His dad and I laughed because we didn’t think he knew my name. Then the gift got bigger as his three-year old sister chimed in as well. Children are so cute, especially at that age. Hearing them call my name and say hi is just so sweet and charming—and it made me forget about my pain for awhile. Many of you who have children may understand what I’m saying, or maybe you’re wondering why I think it’s so special. I love kids—mainly because they don’t live with me and I can see them when they are acting cute and fun and leave when the crying starts. In any case, I am blessed to have a bunch of them living near me and saying hello when I need a good smile.

As for the grown up friends. I’d like to share some more funny photos I’ve copied from them and others around our lovely Internet. If it’s your photo and you haven’t gotten credit for it, let me know and I’ll make a note of it. Thanks for the laughs guys—keep ‘em coming so I can stop taking pain medication!

 “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” Job 8:21

I think my brother did this to me once.

There’s going to be a lot of praying today—not just in church but on the ten yard line, before the extra-point kick, and for many, for the hangover cure on Monday morning.  At church we’ve been reading and studying a book written by our pastor, Mark Batterson called The Circle Maker. One of the recurring themes in the book is to pray big prayers.

For example, when your team is losing by 21 points and there is only a minute left on the clock and it seems completely impossible for you not to lose that ill-conceived bet you placed while the tailgating was in its early stages—that is the perfect time to pray for a win. Why? Because it’s the impossible situations—the miracles—that give glory to God. If it’s not a miracle, we tend to give the credit to coincidence or frankly ourselves. So in other words, go big or go home.

There are so many stories in the Bible about monumental miracles that God performed. It’s these seemingly hopeless situations (a band of three hundred men defeat an army of tens of thousands; the Jews’ triumphant victory of Jericho not via battering rams but by walking circles around the city; feeding 5,000 people from a few loaves of bread) that show just how glorious and wonderful God is and that He alone can make ANYTHING happen. It’s living with RAW DEPENDENCE on God that allows His work to be done.

Throughout the last few weeks in church, Pastor Mark had been sharing story after story of answered prayers. We know they were answered prayers and not coincidence because we mere mortals could not make them happen—only divine intervention delivered these miracles. I kept leaving the services with an overwhelming sense of joy. Story after story—on and on—it’s a true testament that God is at work with us everywhere all the time. It made me wish (and pray) that our news programs would someday turn into hour-long segments of testimonials of the miracles and answered prayers of God. Can you imagine how wonderful our world would be if we heard about these stories all the time? People would become hopeful instead of depressed. People everywhere would start praying and waiting patiently instead of living a life in want of instant gratification. I am confident that someday that is exactly how it will be. We may need to wait for the second coming, but it will happen. It just would be much cooler if it happened sooner. (Or is that instant gratification rearing its ugly head?)

I would very much like to hear your stories. Your answered prayers. Let’s start telling the world about them so we can give hope to others. I would also like to hear about your big prayers. I want to pray for you. I’m going to make a circle here on this blog. I’m praying that people like you will reply to these posts and share your stories and your prayer requests and then share them with your friends and family and your Twitter and Facebook followers and anyone else you come across. Let’s start the ball rolling right here. It’s GAME TIME people!

I’ll start and put myself out there in the hopes that others will follow.

Today I’m praying for:

Opportunities to travel the world to see the beauty that God has created. I pray that I can take stunning photographs and write about the experiences to share God’s glorious creation with others. I want to meet people and learn about their cultures, traditions, and beliefs and to educate and share those wonderful stories with others. And I want the courage and opportunity to share with the people I meet my testimony about how God has blessed me.

Healing—to be pain free from my joint and back injuries and to become fit and healthy enough to climb mountains and play sports again.

For legal help for a friend’s sister. For her to break free of an abusive relationship and get help in the form of physical healing, a job, and a new home.

My friend who is pregnant to be relieved of the physical suffering that comes from being pregnant and for a perfectly healthy baby who will one day come to know Jesus.

For the healing that needs to happen with family members.

To be filled with the fruit of the Spirit and emanate light, grace, and love so that those who meet me will see the joy and freedom that comes from accepting Jesus and putting your faith in God.

Okay, moving on. Seriously folks, I’m working on a book. Yes, you heard me. Or rather, yes, you READ that write. I mean right. Thank God for spell check. Out of all of His inventions, spell check is one of my favorites. Now if God could just gift someone with a talent that allows for a cheap robot to clean my bathrooms and the litter box, that would be awesome as well.

Still not moving on. I got nothing folks. I’m reading a book called the Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. I’ll be blogging about that soon. Cool stuff. So far I’ve gotten the back story about a dude named Honi who drew a circle in the sand and prayed to God for rain. And God answered. I’ll be asking you for your stories—where you have seen God answering your prayers, so think about it and share it. We really shouldn’t be shy about sharing those beautiful stories of answered prayers. Or you can send me your prayers and I’ll add them to my journal of prayers. I’ve started one and I’m liking it a lot. 

So to recap, I’ve been writing prayers. Writing a book. Wrote a bunch of holiday cards that took awhile. And not writing in this blog. But I have been collecting super funny photos from my facebook friends’ posts. That’s really what I started out to do until you just let me blab on and on and on. Okay, so here are some of the most recent ones. Laughter. I think that is one of my all time favorite God blessings. Enjoy.

If you want to create a greeting for someone, just tweet #02Santa a message and he’ll deliver it via YouTube. Here is Santa’s message to my wonderful nieces and nephews and Grendel’s cousin, Scooby.

Merry Christmas, HO, HO, HO!

So in order to get presents for these kids, I needed to go to Toys R Us before Thanksgiving. Holy hell. A Saturday afternoon spent at that place in the holiday season is my version of what eternity in hell would be like. And to make things fun, God had a great laugh by making me go back to exchange both the gifts I got—on two different occasions. But I’ll tell you. It didn’t take away one bit from the absolute joy it is to give a gift to someone else. Especially a kid in need.

My nieces then asked a huge favor from me. They wanted to go shopping on Black Friday. I told them they owed me big. That was the day we were supposed to sleep in (or fake it while Grandma finds a way to make enough noise to bring the entire house out of bed). But no. I went shopping. On Black Friday. Kill me now.

After that I was beginning to have enough (not completely but near enough) of the material side of Christmas. That night we went to Longwood Gardens to see the Christmas displays. If you’ve never been, I highly recommend it. It’s so beautiful and the horticulturists who work there are master artists. Not just the display of lights but the various trees and flowers as well as the gingerbread houses and trains—oh my, it’s just so incredibly fun and breathtaking. I was so inspired I went out and bought more crap to decorate my house. Okay, so I wasn’t quite done.

But now, today, after spending a really fun dinner last night with friends and their adorable three-year olds, I started really thinking about the advent. I listened to a sermon online tonight about God’s will and plan for us and how we need to be ready and open for opportunities and to always seek His council before making decisions. So now I’m inspired for the right things. God. And preparing for this season when we celebrate the birth of Jesus. I’m going to light my advent wreath candle tomorrow and say a prayer. Something like this (note, this is something I got online from this Web site and it’s by Victor Hoagland, C.P.—the beginning part, the other part is by God via the prophet Isaiah):

As our nights grow longer and our days grow short,
we look on these earthly signs—light and green branches—
and remember God’s promise to our world:
Christ, our Light and our Hope, will come.
Listen to the words of Isaiah the prophet:

The people that walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those who lived in a land as dark as death
a light has dawned.
You have increased their joy
and given them gladness;
They rejoice in your presence
as those who rejoice at harvest,
as warriors exult when dividing spoil. Is. 9:1-2

Then all pray:

O God,
rejoicing,
we remember the promise of your Son.
As the light from this candle,
may the blessing of Christ come upon us,
brightening our way
and guiding us by his truth.
May Christ our Savior bring life
into the darkness of our world,
and to us, as we wait for his coming.
We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen

So I thank you God for pressing upon my heart the true reason for Christmas. I pray for all of you reading this that you have a joyous Christmas filled with love and mercy and time spent with loved ones. Especially those wonderful children who bring so much joy to our life.

Now please don’t go without enjoying a little laugh from an old sitcom, Laverne and Shirley. This is Lenny and Squiggy singing a powerful message about the holiday!