The title of today’s post is a little diddy my friend Spunk used to sing at opening campfires at Camp Tockwogh. With all this swine flu mania going on, it brought back memories. But don’t panic—here are five things you can do to cut down on your chances of catching the virus.

 1. Don’t kiss strange pigs. That’s good advice in general really.

Kissing the pig
Kissing the pig

 2. Learn how to call a pig the right way and you won’t attract the “wrong kind of pork.”

 3. Track the areas of big outbreaks using HealthMap and flee those areas immediately. Don’t worry about your wheelchair-bound grandmother—it’s every pig for themselves!

 4. Reduce stress. Yup, the economy is in the tank, you’re 401k is missing in action, you may or may not have a job, and all the good TV shows are ending in a couple of weeks. But don’t stress! It’s only a pandemic people.

 5. Go back to the Y2K days. Do you still have all your propane tanks, bottled water, canned goods, generators, and most importantly—duct tape? Be prepared—duct tape your doors and windows before it’s too late. And drink lots of water—that’s what the doctor always suggests.