I’ve come across a lot of random job postings under the search for marketing positions. For example, parking director, space management specialist—that’s cubicle stuff, and drywall inspector. I’ve even had some suspicious offers over the phone. But this e-mail that I received the other day has to take the cake.

Have you ever done one of those puzzles in a magazine where you have to pick out the 10 or more things that are wrong in a picture? Well I’ve got an e-mail for you to read and you can play the game of finding all the wrong things about it. It’s so pathetic I don’t even have to give you the answers.

So without further ado, here is the content of said e-mail exactly as it was sent to me.

Hello competitor,

We are glad to report you that in our stable company, the vacancy of transaction manager is opened. The world is smashed by a crisis, people lose their workplaces, and many companies are being closed. Our company offers a product in the field of services; therefore the demand on our suggestions remains even in so difficult period for the world economy.

The followings factors are required from you:
– industriousness;
– efficiency;
– to be the habitant of the USA;
– command aspiring to success;
– to have sure vital position;
– to have initial PC skills
– you must be more senior than 21.

NO INVESTMENTS FROM YOU ARE REQUIRED, you will be fully acquainted and trained for discharging of your duties. We need valuable staff. We will teach even a janitor to be a businessman!

Do not lose the chance of fully legal earnings with a dynamically developing company. We will help you to build a career which you always dreamed about. Your chance is waiting for you.

We wait for your resumes to the address imbibeNgGriffin@gmail.com of our department of personnel.

With kind regards,



Well Mr. or Ms. imbibeNgGriffin, I thank you for the kind offer—whatever it is that you are so not eloquently trying to communicate—but I’m not sure I have command aspiring to success. So I guess I don’t qualify. Good luck finding the habitant of the USA that has sure vital position.