So I’m going to maybe offend some people here so let me preface this by saying that I know most of the individuals of Chinese descent are not involved in the development of products—this tirade is directed solely to those responsible. And since I can’t name names I’m just going to generalize. Are we okay? Okay.

So what is with the Chinese? Their products stink. I have a conspiracy theory that they are trying to get rid of us not through the conventional terrorist type ways but slowly by poisoning the products they make for us or causing toys or other such products to be hazardous to our health.

Shame on you China. Your ancestors would not be proud. You remember those people who built a wall so long, so big, and so strong it has lasted thousands of years and can be seen from space? Good thing they didn’t make it with your drywall.

So why are we putting up with this? They are sneaking in while we focus all our attention on religious zealots. Let’s stop worrying about taking our shoes off in the security line and concentrate on the threat from way over the big mountains.

But come to think about it, maybe we won’t have to worry too much. Turns out their backward practice of killing baby girls is—wait for it—causing a shortage of women! Maybe they’ll spend more time thinking about how they can solve the single guy problem and less time making crappy products.

Just a thought.