From the Observation Deck

I love Election Day. It’s one of my favorite days of the year. I feel so empowered even though I know that whomever I vote for will perceive my needs in a way that doesn’t quite match with what I had in mind.

Before I vote I make sure to research all the candidates regardless of political affiliation. This year there was a candidate in my district who pledged he would work toward reducing the salaries of all members of Congress by 10% and that Congressional salaries should be frozen until they created a balanced budget.

Hooked! Dude had my vote. I know it’s totally unrealistic but what if we could get a couple hundred people like him in office? It’s a personal pet peeve of mind that our representatives are so criminal as to give themselves raises when their constituents are out of work and eating cat food.

But enough about the criminals, I mean politicians. Let’s discuss the poling place for a moment. First of all, whoever is in charge of Virginia voting, get a clue. Traffic in northern Virginia is some of the worst in the country. Do you know how difficult it can be to leave work and make it to the polls before 7 p.m.? During the last election, we had a major weather event and I managed to get to the polls at 6:58 p.m. But in addition to that, how many times will it take you to realize that the A-K line is ALWAYS much, much longer than the L-Z line?

So last night as I was waiting in line with the other A to Ks, I had the opportunity to browse the library of my local elementary school. This is what my taxes pay for so I thought some intelligence gathering was in order. Here’s a selection of what our little ones are reading these days:

• Pumpkin Cat.

       There seemed to be a Halloween theme with a number of pumpkin-related books on the shelves.

• Aunt Eater’s Halloween Mystery

       Guess what type of animal the lead character was?

• No Dragons for Tea: Fire Safety for Kids (and Dragons)

       Actually I noticed an entire shelf of dragon-related material. Not sure if this is dragon month or a tip to the last installment of Harry Potter in theatres but I noticed not one of them was the classic, Puff the Magic Dragon. Bummer.

• Joey the Baby Kangaroo

       Joey? Okay…

• And here’s one for the 5^th grade best-seller list…

       How We Know What We Know About Our Changing Climate

Now I think it was great that the line of people I was standing in was very colorful. Very democratic evidently (based on the election results) and very diverse. But I have to say that I agree with Chris Core from WTOP when he said that it just isn’t right to have signs in Spanish that thank people for voting. Don’t get snooty if you don’t agree—just hear me out. We are a nation of immigrants with different backgrounds, histories, and cultures. Very few things tie us together and bond us as a people. One of them is our language. All the other non-English speaking immigrants that came before adapted and conformed. To vote you have to be a citizen and to be a citizen you have to know English—it’s part of the test. So do not waste my tax dollars on signs in Spanish. Next thing you know they’ll be translating a proposal for immigration reform. Hmmmmm.  

And while waiting in line I was entertained by some of my neighbors. One guy who was chatting away and accidently knocking over books was shushed by his wife. His reply? “I thought we were here voting for free speech.” Too funny.

Here are my final words for all the elected officials. Start paying for your own parking like the rest of us and we can start in the right direction to reducing the budget deficit.

When I was in high school, my English Lit teacher made us pick a song and analyze the lyrics. He was a great teacher and this was one example of what he did to make class interesting while getting us to think about what an author was trying convey through his/her story. When we read stories we get to know the characters—what kind of people they are, what makes them tick, if they are “worthy” of our sympathy or hatred (any kind of feeling is better than total disregard), and if their behavior is in accordance with their personalities.

So let’s do an exercise here. Let’s analyze the following statements, lyrics, lines from a book, quotes, whatever. And if you want to give your two cents on what you think they mean, then please reply. Otherwise I will assume you are taking my point of view on everything and I can begin my conquest to rule the world. 

• “When you have to eat poo, you don’t want to nibble on it.” —Unknown client

I don’t know about you, but I think this is pretty straightforward. If you are dealing with something very unpleasant (let’s say swallowing your pride or eating feces) it is better to get it over with than to have it go on and on causing suffering over a long period of time. Another way of thinking about it is the old, “rip the band-aid off quickly” scenario.

•  “It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m actually quite busy.” —Facebook Friend

Ha, ha. As you probably know, our bodies are made up of a gazillion tiny particles that we cannot see with the naked eye. They are in constant motion moving blood, oxygen, nutrients, waste, and electrical signals to various parts of the body. So, when I’m dozing on my couch watching the latest episode of Big Bang Theory, don’t bother me, my body is feverishly digesting the left over Halloween candy I just ate.

• “When you live alone you can run around your house naked with clothespins on your nipples.” –Fast Ed

Do you really want an explanation? If you know Ed, you don’t need one. If you don’t, you’re missing out. I’ll just say it was in response to a friend who was feeling down because he was going to have to live by himself for awhile. And to all the women out there who have gone through breast cancer treatments and can’t partake in this activity (why you would want to is not up for discussion here), Ed has been told of your plight by our good friend Amy who is a cancer survivor, and he pledges not to say it again.

• “Louie Louie, me gotta go; Louie Louie, me gotta go” –Richard Berry

The main character in this famous ballad is a sailor who is telling his friend he has to go. (There is a girl he wants to go home to see.) Not everything has to be in the style of Shakespeare to be meaningful.

• “You may be right. I may be crazy. But it just may be a lunatic you’re looking for.” –Billy Joel

These words were uttered by my last boyfriend. He was wrong. I was not, nor am I now, seeking a lunatic to share my life with. Someone this side of bipolar would be fine with me.

• “Don’t gain the world and lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver or gold…” –Bob Marley

Bob, Bob, Bob. You awesome baked-off-your-heiny visionary. A brilliant songwriter for sure, but I think some of his words were inspired by the Bible. For example, Mathew 16:26 says, “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?” Do you really want to give away your essence, your freedom, your eternity, for meaningless things that you can’t take with you? Bob and I think it taint wort it, mon.

• “Let us put men and women together, see which one is smarter. Some say men, but I say no, women run the men like a puppet show.” –Harry Belafonte

I don’t see why I need to interpret this for anyone. It’s just plain truth, put right out there for anyone to see and agree with. Oh yeah. That’s right. It’s the people that say it, not me.

• “Hey now. Aiko Aiko one day. Jackomo fino anane.” –James “Sugar Boy” Crawford

No one—not even the author—knows what this means. So, let’s just put it down to some musical creativity, Cajun style.

I’m going to leave you with a song for the season to ponder.

Five little pumpkins sitting on a gate

Five little pumpkins sitting on a gate;
The first one said, “Oh my it’s getting late.”
The second one said, “There are witches in the air.”
The third one said, “But I don’t care.”
The fourth one said, “I’m ready for some fun!”
The fifth one said, “Let’s run and run and run.”
“ Wooooooo” went the wind,
And out went the lights.
And the five little pumpkins rolled out of sight.