From the Observation Deck

I’ve come across a lot of random job postings under the search for marketing positions. For example, parking director, space management specialist—that’s cubicle stuff, and drywall inspector. I’ve even had some suspicious offers over the phone. But this e-mail that I received the other day has to take the cake.

Have you ever done one of those puzzles in a magazine where you have to pick out the 10 or more things that are wrong in a picture? Well I’ve got an e-mail for you to read and you can play the game of finding all the wrong things about it. It’s so pathetic I don’t even have to give you the answers.

So without further ado, here is the content of said e-mail exactly as it was sent to me.

Hello competitor,

We are glad to report you that in our stable company, the vacancy of transaction manager is opened. The world is smashed by a crisis, people lose their workplaces, and many companies are being closed. Our company offers a product in the field of services; therefore the demand on our suggestions remains even in so difficult period for the world economy.

The followings factors are required from you:
– industriousness;
– efficiency;
– to be the habitant of the USA;
– command aspiring to success;
– to have sure vital position;
– to have initial PC skills
– you must be more senior than 21.

NO INVESTMENTS FROM YOU ARE REQUIRED, you will be fully acquainted and trained for discharging of your duties. We need valuable staff. We will teach even a janitor to be a businessman!

Do not lose the chance of fully legal earnings with a dynamically developing company. We will help you to build a career which you always dreamed about. Your chance is waiting for you.

We wait for your resumes to the address imbibeNgGriffin@gmail.com of our department of personnel.

With kind regards,

—————————————–

Well Mr. or Ms. imbibeNgGriffin, I thank you for the kind offer—whatever it is that you are so not eloquently trying to communicate—but I’m not sure I have command aspiring to success. So I guess I don’t qualify. Good luck finding the habitant of the USA that has sure vital position.

Have you ever heard the saying “what the cat dragged in?” I’d like to play a game called, “what the waves rolled in.” Over the past two weeks I’ve noticed some extensive changes in the shape of the beach and the size of the waves. Change is often stressful, but the softness of the sand and the sound of the waves is so soothing. But back to the game.

Lately the waves have been big and the tide high, bringing all sorts of things to shore. As Grendel and I took our strolls along the beach, I saw many random items. Here are a few I’ve seen lately.

• A foot long orange piece of nylon rope frayed at ends.
• An enormous jellyfish about a foot plus in diameter.
• A small spider crab. (I once saw a big one and thought it looked like a prehistoric monster. That one kept me out of the water for quite some time.)
• A piece of wood that matches the steps on my stairs. Yes, I took it.
• An inflatable turtle. Honestly, more turtles. Can’t get away from them.
• Shells, sand, and horseshoe crabs.
• A pole with buoy attached.
• A sink hole that buried my legs to my knees. Not an item or living thing but it freaked me out and I wanted to tell you about it.
• An empty plastic juice bottle.

There were no Hollywood letters from someone looking for rescue. No treasure chest of gold. Just God’s creations and man’s trash. What strange items have you seen washed up on shore?

Americans are not shy about expressing themselves. I recently had the unpleasant experience of getting flamed on a discussion board for expressing my opinion and am certain that will be the last time I do that. Not because I’m intimidated—oh no. But it was frustrating to be insulted and criticized—personally attacked—by someone who doesn’t know anything about me. There’s no reasoning with people like that.

But debate is good, it’s necessary, and it’s what our founding fathers wanted. We often complain that the government takes too long to react to crisis and injustice. Lately there have been a lot of mixed feelings about how fast or slow they should move. Being unemployed I have a personal interest in seeing this economy get out of the slump and some of the recovery money is helping—some. However, being fiscally conservative I also see the horrific consequences we’ll have to deal with because of this spending free-for-all.

While on a trip recently, I read various signs that expressed the views of my fellow countrymen. I want to share these with you—but please don’t flame me. I’m a big girl and can take some heat but I do have feelings.

• U.S. stands for Unlimited Spending—saw that on the Bridgeville Fire Department marquee. Very witty and oh so true.
• Socialism = trickle up poverty—this one was a bumper sticker. If only I was as smart and entrepreneurial, I could make money selling crap to everyone.
• Reward, Straw Thief—okay, this one was on a piece of board near a farm and I thought it was funny. And it does have to do with money and the value someone puts on their straw. (Which reminds me of a time in high school when my friends and I, ahem, borrowed a bale of straw and tossed it into the pool of our rival swim team. Hey—we were kids with nothing to do and it was better than going out and getting into worse trouble.)

So remember—you may not agree with the guy who lives next to you and that’s okay. Healthy debate is good. It makes us think hard about policies, laws, and programs before we react too quickly and make mistakes. Just try to formulate intelligent arguments, get your facts straight, and be respectful. I love America. I love speaking my mind (but no longer on discussion boards). And I love the people who protect those rights for me.