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March 12, 2017

Five years. Healing. Hurt. Love. Faith.

Posted by Grendel's Mother under Family, God | Tags: brother, greg crowe, grief |
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Five years ago today I lost my only sibling and someone I loved and admired very much. During those first weeks and months the tears flowed endlessly and still today, the pain is just as intense, but it comes less frequently (although still too frequently). I once read someone’s account of losing a loved one and it was very relatable. Grief is like a tsunami that pours over you with enormous pain. In the beginning, the waves come regularly and frequently. Over time, the waves come less often but the intensity of pain when they hit is still as strong as those first hours and days.

Much has happened since that awful day. I wonder what Greg’s life would be like if he had lived and as much as I would wish him back in my life, I wrestle with knowing he is healed and where he ultimately intended to be—with our Lord in Heaven.
Recently a friend from my small group in church passed away. She was a mighty athlete competing in iron man challenges, but unfortunately was diagnosed with a somewhat rare and terminal disease that took away her abilities to live in the manner she was used to. We prayed for several years for a cure so she could be healed but in the end she went to the Lord too soon. Later, my wise small group leader said our prayers were answered because when she went to Heaven she was healed. She now has a glorious new body and feels no pain.

I remember many prayers I asked God for concerning my brother. I wanted his relationships to heal, his body to heal, and for him to find peace and happiness. And while he left us too soon (from our perspective), God healed him. He now feels no pain, he is with our Savior, and is awaiting us all in the Kingdom.

My parents, his children, and I miss him every single day. He was a glue and stable force in our lives. He was an amazing role model and I really wish he was still around to be an example of God’s love in his children’s lives. The way he lived his life and accepted me for who I was and his love led me to seek Jesus as an adult. God was in my heart but I was wandering lost for many years until my adult relationship with Greg took off and I saw how God could bring peace, a feeling of content, fun, and love in my life.

He affected many people in a positive way through his mission trips, work with Campus Crusade for Christ, volunteering at church, and being a solid base of support for friends, family, and others who just happened to cross his path.

Greg’s kids and our family and his close friends meant the world to him. He struggled those last years of his life, but was giving his all for his family regardless of how life was hitting him. I will never forget God giving us that last day. Greg called to ask me to come up to visit for no reason—just hey let’s get together. That was a week before he died. I really felt like God gave me that last day to see him and have fun before we would be separated for the decades I would have to live without him before God called me home.

So, I still spend some nights crying because he is gone and because of the fall out of being separated from some of my family members, and for the kids and my parents missing their father and son. But, I will always be grateful to God for giving me the best big brother a girl could ask for.

In Greg’s memory, our family created a charity called the Masterpiece Fund. We are honoring the character and principles my brother stood for by giving funds to people throughout the world who need love and support. Greg’s last bible study included a scripture reading from Ephesians 2:10 which inspired the charity.

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for long ago.”

The pain of loss we feel when loved ones die is why we must remember to respect all life. Whether friends or strangers. If death of loved ones didn’t hurt so much we would not respect life at all. I think we need to remember that the death of strangers is as much of a pain to someone else as our loved one’s passing means to us. In honor of Greg, let’s remember what Jesus asked us to do.

“I give you a new command. Love one another. You must love one another, just as I have loved you.”
John 13:34

July 12, 2014

A trek through the Holy Land.

Posted by Grendel's Mother under adventure, Family, God, Israel, travel | Tags: Holy Land, Israel, Jesus |
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Visiting the Holy Land is a dream for many people throughout the world. Jews, Christians, and Muslims all consider this land to be the center of our religious and historical past. But visiting this place has its risks. Growing up I never really thought it would be possible with all the fighting, but over the past few years, as more people I know went there, my parents and I thought it would be a good time to go.

And go we did, just last week. Our timing was fortuitous. Throughout our visit, our Jewish guide kept asking us if we felt safe and asking us to be ambassadors back home, “You can tell everyone that it’s safe—we all get along and the news outlets exaggerate.” At first we agreed. But we did a little minor eye rolling when on our last day she said it again and we silently wondered if she had watched the news the night before. The latest battles between Hamas and Israel were heating up with several deaths of boys on both sides. In the week that we’ve been home, the news outlets are reporting that tanks are rolling and missiles are being launched.

Although that seems scary and may keep people from traveling there, the sad fact is, there were dozens of people (at least) killed by gunfire on the streets in our own backyards just over the weekend. So, perspective is in order. We live in a fallen world and you have to make choices whether or not to get out and see the world the way it is.

Overall, the trip was great. There were some instances where it was next to impossible to envision the way the landscape was 2,000 or more years ago. But I think in general what I took away was the reality of the hard terrain that Jesus and his disciples (and the ancient people of the land) traversed. Lots of hills, vast deserts, and hard rocks added some serious damage to my already bad knees. But we had it easy with our air conditioned rooms, cars, restaurants with plenty to eat, and time to leisurely enjoy the days. When I think of Jesus walking up the steep slopes with his friends in 114 degree heat, I can only thank Him once again for his sacrifice and His love for us.

The land has played host to different cultures for many thousands of years. Its history can be seen in deep layers of tells (man-made hills) across the country. Much of it has yet to be unearthed but so much has been discovered already that we can now see how our ancestors lived. But more on that later.

I will be writing about the details of our trip, starting in Jaffa, a 4,000 year old city, then on to Jerusalem’s old city, to the desert heat at Masada and the Dead Sea, up to the gorgeous Sea of Galilee, and ending in Tel Aviv with a nice swim in the Mediterranean. For now, a few pictures to get started.

Genesis 13:17

“Arise, walk about the land through its length and breadth; for I will give it to you.”

June 6, 2013

What 50 years of love looks like.

Posted by Grendel's Mother under Family, kindness, laughter, Love | Tags: 50th wedding anniversary, love, marriage, mom and dad |
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On June 8, 2013 two of my favorite people in the entire world celebrate a rare and wonderful milestone. My parents, Greg and Carol have been married for 50 years!

These two people have blessed me with a fun, exciting, and loving upbringing. To this day, they still help me with the basics of growing up. They share their wisdom, patience, love, and kindness with me and the rest of our extended family as well as a plethora of friends around the globe. They deserve much happiness and love from all of us.

So what does it take to be married to someone for 50 years? Who knows. I’m not sure there is a formula—except the basics like love, trust, generosity, kindness, laughter, joy, forgiveness. You know what that sounds like to me? The fruit of the Spirit. These two souls have God’s Spirit working in them and through them and it shows.

My dad and my mom probably have some other words of wisdom on how they’ve stayed together for so long. Maybe some selective hearing, some earplugs, some giving up of the remote control and so forth. All I know is that I love them and I am so glad they are taking care of each other.

Congratulations mom and dad!!

Below are some photos from their wedding. I can see some of my cousins in there plus and aunt and uncle and some grandparents. The wedding photographer was a friend who took some shots for them and the getaway hot rod mobile is there—the thing that made dad look “cool” back then, I’m sure.