June 14, 2012

Moving mountains.

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It’s been hard to write lately. When you are dealing with something bad in your life whether it’s the loss of a loved one, sickness, heartbreak, financial distress, or the hordes of maladies that seem to strike people of all ages, races, religions, it feels like time slows down. I guess that cliché that time flies when you’re having fun has a polar effect in the universe.

Maybe God gives us that time so we don’t hurry into bad choices or so that we can really lean on Him for support. He wants us to remember Him in all things and when we start focusing on Him and His Word that’s when He starts to work the healing process and the clock starts up again—a new day.

Gifts from the Father

God has given me many gifts and they have been gratefully received and cherished—more so in the past three months than ever before. Those gifts are His Word, His love, and the people He has placed in my life. My family and my friends. He also gave me Grendel and the cats to keep me company and I thank Him for the creatures of the world as well.

“When we consider the blessings of God—the gifts that add beauty and joy to our lives, that enable us to keep going through stretches of boredom and even suffering—friendship is very near the top.” —Donald W. McCullough, Mastering Personal Growth

But I want to just talk for a moment about friends and trust and faith. My last entry was an outpouring of grief. Yikes, such a public display of my hurt and feelings—so embarrassing. But I needed it and God helped me by sending some peeps to listen to my tear-soaked memories of Greg and my concerns about his kids and their grief. I was comforted by so many loving and caring people—including my parents who were also hurting. What a blessing to have such wonderful parents and friends and family.

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9–12

Doubt and Hope

I also want to say to anyone who is also hurting and not sure about their prayers or what God is doing—please, I beg you, please do not lose faith. It hurts, I know. We don’t understand why our loved ones have to be sick or hurt or why we have to go through trials and pain. There are some things that will take time and some things that will have to wait until we join our Father in heaven. The answers will be there, just have faith. God is for us. The hurts we feel come from man-made sin, not God. God sends us friends and family to help us through the tough times and He wants us to come to him and tell him our feelings and ask Him for His help. He loves you and He loves me.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.” John 14:1-2

I found this wonderful article online by a guy named Jack Zavada. He discusses prayer and how sometimes if feels like our prayers aren’t being answered and it can be frustrating. He says we need to submit and trust God—hopefully before we hit rock bottom. It’s good reading—check it out: The Turning Point in Prayer.

There is this one scripture passage that always had me a bit, well, confused. Like—really? I can actually move a mountain if I really believe? Not sure about that one.

“Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him.“ Mark 11:23

But then I realized that the word ‘mountain’ doesn’t have to be taken literally. It can mean a massive huge obstacle or problem or hurt or anything that is keeping you paralyzed and in pain. If you really put your heart to God and believe that He will take care of you better than you can ever do on your own—the mountain will move.

His Love Takes on Many Forms

I know He loves me because He has created so much beauty in the world around me. In the smile of my nieces and nephews, in the towering mountains, in the crystal blue lakes, in the saliva-dripping Grendel dog, in the purr of my cat, in the laughs of my friends, in the arms of my mother and father, in the giggle of the three-year old neighbor, in the soft grass, in the rain and sun, and in the loving words He has given us to guide us in all things.

Where You Go, I Will Go.

Thank you God. Thank you friends. Thank you all my “Ruths” out there who have been so loving and supportive. And to all my dear loved ones—in your own troubled thoughts and feelings, please don’t give up hope. Keep your faith. Give up your pain and control to God—He is better equipped to handle it. And love each other. And let me be there for you when you need someone. You are my people.

So in honor of my brother who was an amazing father, I will conclude this post with some thoughts from our heavenly Father as we near Father’s Day.

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit.” 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-19

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. “ Romans 15:13

“For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.” 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12

 

April 4, 2012

When the world stopped.

Posted by Grendel's Mother under Family | Tags: , , , |
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Yes, I’m in a bubble. A bubble filled with images and memories of a brother and friend who I miss dearly. This man, my brother, Greg Crowe, was instrumental in my walk with Christ. He was a remarkable father to four beautiful children and a faithful, loving husband and son.

I’ve been trying to figure out what to write as I go through the textbook stages of grief. The loss on March 12 of our dear friend will change the world. It’s changed mine and it will certainly change for his children as well as numerous family members and friends. Now I know just how painful it is when I hear someone else who has lost a close loved one. I’ve lost friends before but this is so different and so hurtful. 

I know that Greg is with Jesus in Heaven. I know his pain is gone and I’m glad of it. But I am struggling, I’ll admit it. I’m so sad that I can’t get to this place of happiness for him because I am still blinded by tears and I am struggling in my discussions with God.

I’ve been involved in a small group discussion about a book from our pastor Mark Batterson. It’s called The Circle Maker. I even started a prayer journal. As I wrote down my prayers over the past few months, I felt like I could endure and keep praying and felt assured that God would fulfill them. I admit I wasn’t sure if I was asking the right things but I was sure they all came from a good place in my heart.  

But then when Greg died I felt like God not only did not answer my prayers, he did things in His own way that made it hard to hope or pray for anything. When I asked Him to heal Greg’s back pain, I didn’t mean for God to take him to Heaven. When I prayed for Greg’s financial troubles to be fixed, I didn’t mean for God to take him to Heaven and leave the rest to us. When I prayed for reconciliation between Greg and his wife I didn’t mean for God to take Greg to Heaven and end permanently that relationship on earth.

So I’ll admit it. I’m afraid to pray for anything else right now. But I will and I have been.  

Because our life goes on and I need God more than ever. I need Him to get me through the days. I need Him to throw His comforting arms around my nephews and nieces and other family members.

I also need Him to heal my friends. I just found out that my old friend Beth has been fighting cancer. Jeez, what a week. But her call to me in my time of need despite her own tragedy reminded me of how good my life is. I’m not in top physical health but I don’t have cancer. I have a home and a supportive loving family and friends. And I know that someday I’ll see Greg again. I’m just seriously bummed that it may not be for a very long time.  

God I really miss him. This sucks. I’m confused and I think that’s normal. I don’t know how long it will be before I stop crying for him but I’ll keep praying. Even though I’m not sure why it happened or what God has in store. I just have to hope. Even when it seems like there is none. Keep your hope. Keep your faith. Keep asking God for help. It’s what Greg would want for all of us and it’s what he did every day of his short life.

In Loving Memory of Gregory M. Crowe
October 31, 1965 – March 12, 2012

If you are so inclined to help with Greg’s four young children, we are taking donations to help pay for immediate needs such as COBRA insurance, rent, and counseling. We have also set up a fund for the kids’ college. Please contact me or reply to this post if you wish to donate. And we very much need your prayers. God has given us many kind and wonderful friends who have been very supportive and we thank Him and them for everything.

An Excerpt from The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson:

By circling, I simply mean that you keep asking until God answers. I’m afraid we give up too easily, too quickly. One thing that has helped me stay consistent and persistent in prayer is a prayer journal. It’s the way I document my requests and His answers. It also insures that I give God the glory when He delivers.

Now let me offer one warning. God is not a genie in a bottle and our wish is not His command. His command better be our wish. Prayer isn’t about getting what we want from God. The ultimate objective of prayer is to discern and do the will of God. But if you pray in the will of God, for the glory of God, all bets are off. And what was true 2,000 years ago is still true: God honors bold prayers because bold prayers honor God.

 

 

 

March 7, 2012

Always be Batman.

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Years ago when asked what she would like to name her new little brother, my niece thought for a half second and with all deadly seriousness replied, “Batman.”

Unfortunately my brother decided not to go in that direction. Man, that would have been fun. Crazy people are what makes life interesting. We’re just not that far gone—yet.

I did a blog post for my company a few months back about selecting a name for your brand (or in some cases, your child’s brand). I thought it would garner some conversation when I mentioned that I had found some research that said some parents were actually naming their kids “Like,” “Facebook,” and ah hem, “Batman.” I made a little fun of those people and frankly if you’re going to do that you deserve to be mocked.

I’m in the process now of thinking up new names for the fish I just bought. Note, animal names can be as creative as “Grendel” or as plain as—but yet still lovable—”Joe.” Maybe this time instead of naming them after loser ex-boyfriends (those fish died as a result of my inexperience as an ichthyologist, not because I was torturing them), I will name them something strong, something legendary. And yes, I know what ichthyologist means, I just don’t know what chemicals the fish needed to survive the murky waters of my new tank. Anyway, these new fish look pretty hardy. Maybe I’ll name them after characters in the Icelandic sagas. Or maybe not. Those guys were kind of jerks.

If you would like to offer some suggestions, please do. In the meantime, take a look at Pinterst for some great ideas to share and get hooked like the rest of us. (I just saw this on Pinterest and it made me laugh at the memory of what could have been for our little nephew.)

 

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