April 24, 2009

Zero to 70 in two weeks.

Posted by Grendel's Mother under Baby, Birthday
[2] Comments 

I have to give a shout out to Grendel’s Grandpa, my Dad, on his 70th birthday. Way to go Daddyoh. Dad says, “I’m celebrating the 31st anniversary of my 39th birthday.” Hey Dad, I’m behind you 100%. After all, you had my back when I celebrated the third anniversary of my 29th birthday. That’s just the way we do things in the Crowe family. We also give our dogs and kids weird names—okay I shouldn’t say the kids’ names are weird—unique is a better word. But naming the second family Labrador Klinger after the first Klinger died did make for some great fodder for jokes among my friends.

Moving on to the zero part of the headline. Did you know that in the U.S. a new person is born approximately every eight seconds? I’d like to give another shout out to a very brand new person—someone recently arrived to the planet—Colin Tuttle. Son of my dear friends, Bob and Emily. Colin was supposed to arrive next month but instead arrived two weeks ago. So either the doctor can’t count, baby bubba was impatient to start the ride, or Mrs. T has some splainin to do. Either way, we are very happy he’s here and everyone is healthy. And Colin just happens to be an excellent Irish name.

If this blog was really popular, now would be a great time for me to earn some money by sponsoring a diaper ad because young or old, we never really finish dealing with the toils of bodily fluids. But instead, here’s a link to diapers.com and for you out-of-work people, they’re looking to hire an Infrastructure Engineer. (I don’t know why that sounds funny, it just does.)

And just for fun, I clicked on those links in the first paragraph and here’s what came up for me.

  • I am 21,300,095 minutes old (and just wasted a butt load of them writing this blog).
  • Someone named Y.A. Tittle shares my birthday (close to Tuttle, but no cigar).
  • In dog years, Grendel and I are pretty much the same age

Evidently I have these good and bad characteristics.

  • Very little ever escapes my observation (hence the title of this blog).
  • I neither show nor understand emotions very well (what a crock—that makes me mad—not true)!

What does your birthday and name say about you? I’d like to know, really, because I do care and can show you, really. Happy Birthday Dad and all you April babies out there!

 

April 21, 2009

D’OH! And other statements of wisdom.

Posted by Grendel's Mother under Uncategorized
[2] Comments 

I came across some of the Bart Simpson chalkboard quotes and decided to analyze some of them and see how relevant they could be to my day-to-day life. So here we go.

I will finish what I sta
Coming up with blog entries each week is challenging. I also want to be a professional photographer, write a novel, lose 80 pounds, fix my ceiling, etc., etc., etc. I’m usually pretty good at finishing things, with some exceptions, but I think it’s a good lesson for all of us.

I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
I can’t say I agree with Bart’s teacher on this one. Sometimes it’s good to take little steps toward a goal or even to remember and celebrate what’s good in your life. Obviously taking it too far—like celebrating the loss of 8 oz. of weight with an ice cream cone may be a bit much. Balance people, balance.

“Bagman” is not a legitimate career choice.
I think in this economy, to each his own. Everyone needs to make a living right? In any case, I did some background checking, and I’m pretty sure Bart was referring to a person designated to collect money in a protection racket. There are several other definitions though, including a traveling salesman (hmmm, same thing?), a company out in the Midwest that sells farm equipment, and Tiger Woods’ caddie, Steve Williams. This last guy’s job doesn’t sound so bad. Evidently he’s such a good guy that Queen Elizabeth II made him a member of the New Zealand Order of Merit. Bart’s teacher should be a bit more careful about busting on people’s choice of work.

I am not deliciously saucy.
Yes, I am. Everyone is special. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not.

I will not aim for the head.
Unless you’re Jack Sanderson playing dodgeball against the Sioux campers at Camp Tockwogh.

Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
I must agree. Good advice as we go into the summer and you’re all pale from the long winter.

Hope these were good lessons for you. Thank you Bart—you boy genius, you philosopher and observer of life.

 

April 20, 2009

If it’s not Scottish, it’s crrrraapp!

Posted by Grendel's Mother under Scottish
1 Comment 

Oiy! Being a wee bit of Scot meself, I wholeheartedly agree with the line delivered by Mike Myers on SNL. Scots are amazing people. Many of you may have heard of the recent sensation sweeping Britain and the U.S. Her name is Susan Boyle and she belted out one amazing tune from Les Miserables on Britains Got Talent 2009. The reason everyone cares is because this 47-year-old church volunteer from West Lothian (that’s in Scotland folks) was prematurely judged based on her looks. People were laughing at her. But then they heard her voice and were touched by her gift.

There are Susan Boyles out there everywhere and the moral of this story, boys and girls, is don’t judge people based on their looks. Gotcha. Point taken. But this is not what I’m here to talk about. What I really want to talk about are the great Scottish people. My Brit friend in grad school correctly stated that a Scot could read the telephone book and still sound lovely. Oooh yeah, my thoughts exactly. On that note, I’d like to share a little story from my adventure in Scotland so you too can know just how awesome these people are.

One day during an early summer trip in 2000, my Mom and I were doing laundry on the Isle of Skye at the laundry mat / mini-mart / gas station which was located conveniently next to one of the two pubs on the island. There was a cold spell there and while all my long pants were being washed, we went into the pub. One of the three patrons in this little pub—not including the Collie who went straight for the side of the bar to get fed and was obviously a regular there—staggered over to us and as nice as can be started up a friendly conversation that went like so.

Drunken Scotsman: So…where are yuh all flrrum?
Dawn: We’re from the United States.
Drunken Scotsman: Aye, yuh flrrum Amerrricuh. Yuh wearrrin shorts an it’s fooockhen flrrreeezen out.

We proceeded to discuss all sorts of things such as Jerry Springer (the show that happened to be on the big screen TV on one of the three channels available on the island) and how he was the owner of the other pub in town and it was his day off. Gosh I love the Scots. And don’t get me started on Mel in that kilt. So to close, if you ever hear anyone refer to Scots as Scotch, just repeat the words of Mike Myers.

“Actually, scotch is a drink; Scots are a people. But we’re both great-tasting!”

 

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