From the Observation Deck

So awhile back I posted a funny strip from Dilbert. Here is it again.

I posted it as a joke after I got laid off to keep my spirits high and to keep laughing. Well, today, as luck (or unluck rather—is that a word?) would have it, I saw my life flash before my eyes as a flying mattress came hurling toward me on the beltway.

Anyone who has ever driven on the DC beltway knows that you take certain risks just being on it. But I can honestly say flying mattresses were not on the list of things I keep my eye out for when rounding the outer loop.

But today, as I was happily lost in thought on my way home from getting my locks colored and cut, I saw two mattresses flying off the hood of a car about 100 yards in front of me. The good news is I own a Honda, not a Toyota, so the brakes worked and thanks be to God, who is really looking after us, no one got hurt.

My dad has most likely lost the color in his face reading this but I had to post about it to remind all of you to keep on your toes. If you’re keeping your money stashed in your mattresses, make sure they are secure on the hood of your cars or you might just lose everything!

I love spending time with my family. I always seem to get good fodder for this blog. My mom came up from her winter stay in Florida to visit the kids so I went up to my brother’s house for the day to see everyone. The fun part of visiting the kids is the verbal game of dodge ball where I avoid weird and uncomfortable questions and comments.

After arriving, my brother Greg, my mom, and my nephew and I take Grendel for a walk. As Greg and I were talking, Tyler, my nine-year old nephew asks me, “Aunt Dawn, I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but I want to ask you a question. Why aren’t you married? I’m just asking because I want an Uncle.” I redirected the conversation and thought I’d managed to sufficiently blow that one off until he asked again later. I told him that a) he already has an Uncle—his mother’s brother, and b) if I had a husband, said husband would keep all the Wii games that I buy for Tyler. That was the end of that discussion.

Then later, when we were in the car, Tyler says, “Why are there suspicious people dressed in dark clothing like Muslims, at Niagara Falls?” Don’t know where that one came from but I’m sure those deep thoughts are a result of some enlightened view of the world. Or not.

My other nephew, Harmon, always manages to provide some zingers. When he was younger he told me that he “was cute because he was the littlest.” And he once said to his whole family, “everyone who loves me, raise your hand.” That is officially my favorite line ever and I tease him about it relentlessly.

Harmon’s latest obsession is with guns. It used to be light sabers but we’ve moved on to a different form of violence. While eating lunch at Subway, a police officer came in. Harmon’s face lit up when he saw the cop’s gun. I encouraged Harmon to go talk to him. When we asked Harmon what he would say to the cop, he replied, “I’ll tell him I’m a big fan and I love your gun.”

God makes them cute and inquisitive to keep us on our toes. So, what was the funniest thing your kid ever said?

I don’t know what the heck the title of this post means but it sounds funny. When first read it seems silly. Just like the grownups running our government. Yes boys and girls it’s that time again. It’s trash the government time!

I just looooooove talking about waste. Especially government waste. And I don’t mean Congress (this time). I know it’s kind of cliché to complain about the stupidity of government. I mean, in a sense, that’s pretty much a wasteful activity in itself. But I’m going to do it anyway. Here are some examples I’ve seen in recent months.

The Office of Thrift Supervision

The other day I was in DC and drove past the Office of Thrift Supervision. After laughing at the sheer audacity of the government to create an office with the name “thrift” in it, I looked at the building and shook my head in amazement. There were at least five different signs that labeled the building the office of thrift supervision. Not exactly thrifty of them.  

The Census

Ahhhh, the census. I just got a letter in the mail telling me to be on the lookout for the census letter. Seriously? Is the government trying to keep the evil post office alive by supplying it with unnecessary mail? Why not just send the census. And then send another copy of it out if you feel that will help with response. Or how about doing this online?

Government Consultants

My company is currently working with a government entity. I’ll skip the headaches of the layers of people there and the lack of logic that runs rampant in their hallways. Anyway, I went with our designer and president to a meeting with them. After we got out I asked my president who the woman was in the meeting who wasn’t with the government entity. She told me this woman (and the guy on the phone) work for a company that was managing our relationship with the government entity. You’ve got to be kidding me. Like we can’t email and call the government entity directly and talk to them without a needless middle man? I want a job where I do nothing but get paid lots of dough for passing information back and forth.

Hiring Practices

Last summer I applied for a job with HUD. They interviewed 75 people. Really? They couldn’t skim the list a bit?

I could go on and on and on and on. Sorry for being repetitive. It may seem wasteful—except when used for emphasis. Or when I do it. I’m constantly shocked at the arrogance of our elected officials. The extras they get, the raises they give themselves when their constituents are losing their jobs, and their pride. They would rather put forth bad legislation than admit that they couldn’t find a solution. Got news for you Mr. President. I don’t want you shoving your crap at me just because you want to save face. You, Congress, and the fat, wasteful government machine need to rethink your purpose. You need a bold fresh start to policies and practices. A clean sweep. I know, you can start by creating the office of waste management. Oops. That’s already in place. It’s oval in shape, I believe.

Okay, that’s enough for now. I’m off to waste time watching TV.