From the Observation Deck

So I’m going to maybe offend some people here so let me preface this by saying that I know most of the individuals of Chinese descent are not involved in the development of products—this tirade is directed solely to those responsible. And since I can’t name names I’m just going to generalize. Are we okay? Okay.

So what is with the Chinese? Their products stink. I have a conspiracy theory that they are trying to get rid of us not through the conventional terrorist type ways but slowly by poisoning the products they make for us or causing toys or other such products to be hazardous to our health.

Shame on you China. Your ancestors would not be proud. You remember those people who built a wall so long, so big, and so strong it has lasted thousands of years and can be seen from space? Good thing they didn’t make it with your drywall.

So why are we putting up with this? They are sneaking in while we focus all our attention on religious zealots. Let’s stop worrying about taking our shoes off in the security line and concentrate on the threat from way over the big mountains.

But come to think about it, maybe we won’t have to worry too much. Turns out their backward practice of killing baby girls is—wait for it—causing a shortage of women! Maybe they’ll spend more time thinking about how they can solve the single guy problem and less time making crappy products.

Just a thought.

So this past week I was reading some headlines on an Internet site and thought it would be funny to talk about these current events. Or at least the splashy way these stories were announced to the public. In case you haven’t heard, here are six must-read stories for your reading pleasure (and naturally my take on them).

Want to Buy a Space Shuttle? NASA Slashes Price to $29 Million
Daaaaaddeeeee! I want, I want, I want one! Get me one for my birthday! All the other kids are getting them! If you love me you’ll buy me a space rocket. Seriously, I dream of the day when I can see the Earth from outer space. How cool would that be?

Cookie Dough Shortage in our Future?
Say it ain’t so! Every once and awhile I hear about produce shortages when it gets cold in Florida, but cookie dough? Bummer.

French Minister Criticizes US Over Haiti Aid
Is this really news? Is there anyone on the planet that is surprised that a French person is criticizing an American? I say let them in. Something tells me the French version of an MRE (meal ready to eat) resembles buttered crepes and wine. Yum.

 Most Americans Back Medical Marijuana—Americans are firmly divided on health care reform. But a surprisingly large majority agrees that if you’re sick, you should be allowed to smoke dope.
And these people vote. What more can I say?

A Trailer Park In The Sky
It’s hard to reconcile the terms trailer park and luxury. I guess it’s the old, “don’t judge a book by its cover” cliché.

‘Star Trek’ Star Chris Pine, Olivia Munn Call It Quits
This caught my eye because it’s so sad when relationships don’t work out. Okay, I’m lying. Chris Pine is so cute I can’t help but be happy he’s back on the market. As unrealistic as a future with him is, a gal has to dream.

And aside from what’s really important, those are the things occupying the time of Americans everywhere. I’m Dawn and this has been an original post. Goodnight and keep reading!

The other day I got a ticket. First one in 15 years. I can’t say I didn’t deserve it and considering all the times I got away with stuff, I guess I was due. But there was something about this experience that was just plain wrong.

Here’s how it went down. A nice, young, good looking police officer pulls me over and says I entered an area where only the metro buses can go. I guess I got confused with all the other cars there. So I go wading through the paperwork that has piled up in my glove compartment looking for the most recent version of my registration. He says to give him a shout when I find it. Ten minutes later I hand him an expired slip, tell him it really is all up to date—I just filed the paperwork at home. He says okay.

This next part is new to me. He says, “What color eyes do you have?” To which I turned and smiled up at him and replied, “They’re brown.” Then he did it. He asked me how much I weighed. I paused. Then in total shock said, “What? Are you serious? Not-uh.” He looked ashamed (as he should) and said he had to ask. I then replied, “Reeeeaaally?” The tone of that last statement was part disbelief and part pleading. So I swallowed any remaining ounce of self-worth I had and answered him. And in three months if I try really hard, I might just lose enough to be at the number I told him.

Just now as I’m writing this, I have the horrid realization that not only did I have to tell a complete stranger—a man—what my weight was, but he WROTE IT DOWN. It’s now in triplicate filed away in some courthouse for the world to see. Holy crap.

As you can probably tell, I’m more upset about the whole weight question then getting the ticket. And I’m not sure how much that’ll cost me yet, so I think it’s time for a xanax and relaxing bath.

The incident ended with me getting “off” for not having my registration paperwork in the car but I did get the other ticket which was for “disobeying a sign.” It’s not like the sign stood in front of me pointing its finger saying, “Dawn, I’m warning you, don’t go in there or officer X is going to give you a ticket!” I didn’t stick out my tongue and willfully go by it on purpose. It was a mistake. And now I feel like some little kid who’s being punished. I thanked the officer and then said, “Wait, not thank you, I mean…” He smiled and said, “I know what you mean, it’s okay.” Hmmph. Maybe for him. Oh well, at least I didn’t drive through a mall.